I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
