On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
