I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
