M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
