I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
