U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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