I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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