I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
