I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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