The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
