Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
