I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I love you. Go after that dick
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
