in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
