he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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