So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
