if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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