um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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