if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
