I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
