I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
