I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Randomize
