The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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