Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
