I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
