so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
