So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
