Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
