I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
