I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
