Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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