and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
