If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
