Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
