oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
