Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
