I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
