im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
