hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just had sex on a roof
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
