he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
