They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
why do cheetos always look like penises
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
