All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
