I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I need a beard to bite.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
