i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There r osticjed everywhere
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
