i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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