I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
