I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
