i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
