oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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