Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
