He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
