i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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