and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
