walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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