So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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